chus26pedrosa's diary

Today, i decided to write more about funny and random things that make me happy. Umm, this is hard, while i'm writing this, i think about what moment make me happy or random things that one day i could laugh at, when i look back. Oh, okay, this one. Do you know that dream is kind of strange world beyond our control? Yes, i dreamt last night. It was so strange and random and when i woke up this morning, i was just starring at the ceiling and, "what was it?" wkwkkw So, my dream last night began with i befriend with Uma Hapsari, Kiki Huillet, and their circle like Patricia Guow etc. We decided to stay in luxury hotel, but what made me confuse is we shared the same room and the room was sooo big that there are so many doors inside. There are bule there drinking like they were on the beach and they sat on the long bench above the river. I was so confuse, which room i should enter? did i make a good impression to them? because i was like 'anak baru' in the circle. Wkwkw...

Why do we live with fears and regrets? What did i do to deserve to be cursed? One day, i sat and watched the sky was clear and bright, but i could not enjoy the sun shine. I was there and it was just too much light, burned my head to heat, and all the things was frustating. I had no idea what to do with all this bright things, because i missed my bed already, my room where i could be free and no one else watched me cried to sleep, and bothered me to talk, or forced me to listen. And i went back to memories, stepped back to the failure. Everytime i was about to start a new relation, the past mistake haunted me like, "what if i make the same mistake? what if this person would drag me to the hell of relationship? what if i hurt him the same way i did to my ex? How should i handle my feeling? how should i treat his feeling?" All these overthinking, all these judgements, i still made wrong decision. What about now? I knew very well, i'm still not over yet. But this thing, i pa...